Nic, Bupkis and Nichevo

About Nothing, by Nothing, with German-flavored cleavage occasionally thrown in for local color.

Location: Indianapolis, Indiana

You can email me at NicBupkusNichevo at aol dot com. Aren't you excited?

Monday, February 14, 2005

Who gets to decide what "marriage" is, and why?

It is time to privatize marriage. If the institution is really so sacred, it should lie beyond the withering hands of politicians and policy makers in Washington D.C. There should be no federal or state license that grants validity to love. There should be no state-run
office that peers into our bedrooms and honeymoon suites. If the church thinks divorce and homosexuality are problematic, it should initiate the real dialogue to address these problems in-house rather than relying on state-sponsored coercion to affirm doctrinal beliefs. And if tax-codes and guardianships need some classification for couples, let's revise civil union standards to reflect those needs.

My mother and I have gone 'round about this. She's an intelligent woman, wise and no-nonsense and a woman of deep faith. But there's a serious contradiction in what consitutes a true "marriage" in her eyes. When Himself and I were going to be married, we moved in together for a few months before the ceremony so that we could actually afford to be in the same state. This caused great distress on the part of the family, as we were - you guessed it - "living in sin." It got to the point that I wouldn't allow my parents to speak to Himself, because i knew they'd lay that all down on him, too, and there's no way in hell he'd have the patience for it. On 2/1/91 we married in the county courthouse in Annapolis, and so the heat was finally off. The State said we were married, so we were. No minister, no religious vows, but we were somehow no longer "in sin." Fast forward 14 years, and two pagan friends of mine are choosing to handfast. These vows are very, very serious, made before what one would think the three most important participants in any religious wedding: the couple and their Deity.

Mom doesn't see these two as married - and not just because it's a Wiccan priest they're standing before rather than a Presbyterian pastor. There's no certificate with the State's blessing, so no legal marriage. Doesn't matter that they have made soul-deep religious vows to each other; with no State-mandated ties the union of these two doesn't count. So where's the sin, Mom? Isn't a vow before God more important in terms of a sin than a vow before the State? Himself and I had no religious component in our wedding. We made no promises to God. How is the sin removed fromn that union by the State?

I'll give her credit; she's thinking about it.


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